Can I win an argument?

Can I win an argument?

I know this is a touchy subject guys, things get heated, you yell, she yells and even if you “win”, she takes it out on you foreeeeeeever so you lose anyway right?  Lol, in order to win an argument, you may have to change your perspective of what winning is. Ladies, you’re going to have to work with him while he’s learning and give him credit when it’s due.

Now winning doesn’t necessarily mean getting the last word or being right boys. Winning is being able to walk away after an argusation (a conversation that borders with or merges into an argument) with everyone’s dignity in tact, not having to watch over your shoulder for payback, with as little damage to each other as possible. Winning is sleeping in your bed rather than on the couch. To achieve this is easier than you may think bit it DOES take effort.  When you know you’re at that point in the argusation where nothing else can be successfully achieved, it’s time to back out guys.  I know it’s impossible to listen to her yelling her closing statements but make yourself listen long enough to know what she’s trying to achieve. Try to agree with her if you can and it won’t kill you to throw in an apology.  This goes back to our primortal need to be heard and have our thoughts and fear and ideas justified. It’s as much an animal instinct as your need to let one rip after a couple bowls of reeeeaaaally good chilli, sometimes we NEED the last word so we know that you heard us without dismissing our input. I know it sounds ridiculous but it is what it is, and this is the only way to win.  If she knows she’s been heard, you try to right what she says or thinks is wrong, apologize, and recognize when to stop your end of the argusation, you actually have a chance of sleeping in your bed at the end of the day with a woman who feels content having been heard and loved. Better than the dog house isn’t it?

Remember boys, married or not, happy wife, happy life…

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Do I stay or do I “chase” her

Do I stay or do I “chase” her

You know what I’m talking about, everybody who has ever been in a relationship has a some point faced the scenario where the woman storms off, angry about things you can barely fathom let alone understand and then you have to decide whether it’s worth the effort and the risk to go after her.  With all the women I’ve discussed this topic with, men’s efforts seem to be similar as are the results. It seems you guys most typically run after your women after a disagreement or she’s had a bad day when relationships are new but stop running once any significant amount of time has been put into your relationship. What’s at risk!?  Ha, if you don’t chase her when you should, or give her space when you should, you’re going to be faced with the miserable version of your loving woman. Don’t try to deny it ladies, I’ll be the first to admit I can be a downright raging bitch, especially to my man and you know you are sometimes to.

You should all know, if while thinking about bitch mode, either one of you can’t decifer between everyday normal mode and bitch mode because she’s typically raging, that may be a sign that IT’S NOT WORKING so pay attention. You either have a LOT of work to do or a lot of breaking up to do. Good Luck. The good should always somehow out way the bad folks. 1+1=2, commen sense. 

The burning question, should you chase her, ignore her, hive her space, shower her with attention and affection… the answer isn’t simple guys but you too, CAN figure this out.

#1 First think about the content of your argument or the reason for her recent flight or flight attempt. As women, we tend to be much more emotional than you and no, our being emotional doesn’t necessarily mean we are having a monthly visitor. Details will vary but there are two general categories here. She’s either stressed out from something that has to do with you, or something having to do with NOT you and yes, both scenarios are equally your problem. If she has fled because of you, there’s more information you’ll need to decide whether you should go on a chase but if it’s outside forces, unless she hits some of the other warning signs in following steps, you should probably follow her.

#2 Determine volume. If she’s giving you the silent treatment or being very quiet, she’s likely waiting for you to make her feel better.  Hold her, hug her, tell her you understand, ask her if you can make or get dinner for her, make her feel wanted. If she’s yelling or screaming, she’s likely waiting for you to say or do the “right” thing, but may need some space a messed up thing that’s involuntary on a womens end but we need to feel heard and understood. If she’s having a fit, take a second to remember why you love her and remind her that you do in any way you can, apologize even if she just THINKS you’re in the wrong, when she snaps out of it and you’re there, you’ll be her knight in shining armor and with any luck, get a dose of makeup love… If she’s alone when she collects her emotions, you’re probably going to pay for it and let’s be honest, that’s   pretty.  If after her yelling and screaming, you try to say the right thing but you can’t get through and she leaves anyway, give her some reasonable time but DON’T neglect her. After she’s had a little bit cool down, call or text, apologize again, ask her if there’s anything you can do to make her feel better. You may have to ease into conversation, remember, she’s still heated and no matter the circumstances feels 100% justified in choosing to walk away and it’s your job as the man in her life to make her feel that while leaving may have been justified, need her to be whole. (I know it’s mushy and sounds like a lot of work but hear me out!) 

#3 Crying. There’s pouting, tearing up, crying, bawling, and hyperventilating. You probably have a little more wiggle room if she is pouting or tearing up and should chase her, she’s probably doing that thing I as talking about where she needs to feel wanted, important and heard.  No, this is not the same as just wanting attention, this is something we can’t help but need and has nothing to do with wants so you’re going to have to deal with it regardless. If she’s crying or bawling, especially in combination with yelling and/or screaming, she probably needs a break and a little space. I’m not talking days but especially if there are kids adding to her stress level too, she needs a breather. Give her a half hour to an hour before you either go to look for her or try contacting her and for the love of all that is holy, when you do finally see or talk to her again, SAY SOMETHING NICE, no woman wants to here, “Wow, you went a little crazy there”, “are you done being a bitch” or anything else to the effect. We were there, if we were a bitch, we already know and don’t need to be told. That sorry word is worth its weight in gold, I love you being a close runner up, you know these words guys, use them. Use them often and you may find your self going on fewer angry woman chases which would be better for all of us. IF SHE IS HYPERVENTALATING AND SAYING SHE NEEDS TO GO, SHE NEEEEEEEEDS TO GO. This one is important and the utmost sign that she needs space she is probably begging for between gasps of air and sobbing. Guys, you don’t have to have killed our puppy in front of us for us to get this way and no it’s not juvenile, it’s womanly like farting under the covers is somehow manky to you, it’s just a thing.  In this case she may need a few hours to do something for herself. If you’re in the doghouse, this is a phenomenal place to offer to give her some time or money to do anything where she is the focal point so that as she cools down she thinks of how at least you aided in her finding some kind of peace. Periodic I love yous and I’m sorrys will go far during the time she is recovering from her breakdown, not conversations, just little reminders.  If she refuses to answer you, you may have to wait for her to be back to you. Be ready, you have the best chance if when she shows up you have down something for her. Wash the dishes, fix the door she’s been begging you for for months, pick a handful of flowers on the side of the road, a short little hand written poem, SOMETHING so she knows you were thinking of her while she was out and that she didn’t fall victim to out of sight out of mind, and ease back in with love and apologies even if you think you did nothing wrong because you probably did in woman land.  

#4 If she gets out of the car and insists on walking, the answer is simple. Beg her not to but if she insists, let her walk but NEVER longer than 15/20 minutes. Let her walk and either be waiting for her on the side of the road up ahead somewhere or circle back around to pick her up. If she never gets I’m the car, proceed with moving ahead a ways on the road and waiting for her to be into view before driving farther so you can tell her you were watching to be sure she was safe, trust me guys, you showing that her safety matters, matters.

Hey guys, where she runs in these situations can be a way to guage her GOOD WOMAN status.  A good woman will run to a friend to vent, go for a walk, go running with her favorite tunes, go to her favorite nature spot, go grocery shopping etc.  If you find yourself frequently picking your woman up tore up at a bar, at the homes or hotel rooms of other men, or indecent, there’s a chance she’s not one of the GOOD women I’m addressing throughout this blog and you may want to seriously ponder what you’re planning to get from your relationship other than drama. 

So the answer to whether you should go or chase her is that you ALWAYS chase her. ALWAYS if she’s a good woman, just study the steps I’ve just provided you with so you know WHEN to chase her. Once you’ve accomplished the night in shining armor statis, chances are, you’re getting lucky on the other side of her fleeing.

Remember boys, married or not, the same rule of thumb applies to every relationship… happy wife, happy life.